So unless you’ve been under a rock somewhere, you’ve probably heard at least one success story some idiot journalist wrote about how Twitter can do amazing things for some moron’s business or whatever.
Well it’s all true, and even better, if you follow these instructions, this moron could be YOU.
Now I know this stuff may not be easy to believe– after all, Twitter just looks like a totally useless piece of crap from where you’re standing, but trust me, when you see the power of it you’re going to shit yourself. Anyone– and I mean anyone– anyone can get their bullshit popular on this stupid thing. You gotta see it with your own two eyes.
Basically all these people think you’re their internet friends or whatever, even though you’re just a company, and then after a while they’ll just send out your shit because they think y’all are friends… with a COMPANY. lol.
I know,Â It’s unbelievable. I think it’s crazy too.
So anyway stop sitting on the sidelines watching douchebags promote their crap on this new thing… it’s time you got your self-promoting asses on there and started ruining this new technology for everyone too.
Check this out
You can basically pay to get a bunch of followers, and then everyone on Twitter think you’re all popular and follow you too. And these are REAL people. It’s some seriously amazing shit because, in real life, you would need actual customers to convince others. But here, you can just get a bunch of numbers and then you’ve got this great thing going from the comfort of your own couch.
Even better is that all these tools will totally just retweet your stuff– basically sell all your shit to their friends, for free! That’s why this piece of crap is even better than Amway— on Twitter, you don’t have to pay anyone!
All because of the magic of “social capital,” whatever that is. Seriously I think that’s aÂ made up word, but who cares, that shit works!
How sick is that
Anyway, I want you to go to twitter.com, create an account right now, and then put in an avatar, but not your company name or anything– put a smiling face in there! Everybody loves smiling faces, plus according to some good books about manipulating people, they really draw the eye and shit. Then you can totally get people believing that you care! I know, crazy right?
So after that you’re going to get on there and be all “let’s be friends” and shit. You do this by talking to all these idiots– get this, you’re going to lose it when you hear this— by talking to them about OTHER SHIT. Not even your own bullshit products, but by butting into their stupid conversations and adding your own opinion… I’m serious, you can totally do this and they’re all like “oh, thanks” and they totally don’t know you’re marketing to them. And then, BAM!
Hook, line, and sinker
It’s up to you from here! Remember, create compelling content and you’ll entice people to… ahhh, you know what, fuck this, I’m outta here.
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