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Why perverts love my blog

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Search engine optimization – a wonderful thing (maybe)

I recently started doing some SEO stuff on my blog, and with the help of Chris Penn and Aaron Wall (whose ebook I just bought), I must say I’ve gotten pretty good at it. I’ve gotten extra traffic to my podcast episodes and blog posts. I’ve also received affiliate traffic to help fund the costs of equipment and such.

SEO basically works through understanding what Google wants, and making it obvious to them what your page (or blog post) is about. Once you show Google the stuff more efficiently, it knows which of its users to direct to your site. Sounds good, right? Not always.

The Dark Side

Ok, I admit it: I’m sort of well known for swearing on my podcast. I admit it. I do it on my blog occasionally too… so what? Well, doing some of this stuff has exposed me to Google’s seedy underbelly, with searches the likes of which I have never seen. Perverts love me, really. Here’s some stuff I ranked pretty high for recently, despite myself:

‘Having Sex’

Yeah, I was in Google’s top 10 results for this phrase in September. Weird eh? All because of my episode, Having Sex on a Bicycle. I had no idea this would happen but, lo and behold, I’ve received a couple of thousand visitors due to this fluke. I doubt they found what they’re looking for, though.

‘Weird Sex’

Due to my episode, My Weird Sex Dream With Joanne Colan, I received hits from the phrase ‘weird sex’ several hundred times. Though I’m down to #17 or so these days, it was glorious at the top of the mountain, let me tell you. But it wouldn’t prepare me for what was to come.

‘Fucking Babies’ (or ‘Babies Fucking’)

My most recent discovery is that I rank very highly for the phrase ‘fucking babies’. My episode, Men Are Fucking Babies, had nothing to do with this, of course, and I cannot even conceive of a fate horrible enough for the people who search for this. But Google deems my page worthy to be good enough to connect with these bastards. So be it.

So yeah… people are kinda gross.

Anyway, life goes on. As the months pass I’m sure there will be a number of other screwed up people that find my site for whatever reason. So murderers, thieves, general lowlifes… welcome. I can’t wait to get to know you.

* Filed by at 12:12 am under random


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14 Responses to “Why perverts love my blog”

  1. edwolfeiii Says:

    I’m one of those people, “general lowlifes,” and I was wondering if maybe we could meet up some time. Nah, just kidding, I found your blog by searching “my blog.” I figured it was a good way to find someone’s random blog. Good news, if any one else has the same idea you’re first on the list. Kudos. Good luck with the baby eaters though; I hear Chris Kaman loves your site.

  2. MONICA Says:

    I agree, when I first discovered your blog I noticed a lot of swearing and I couldn’t connect all those words to you since we are both public speakers. It’s very intriguing to know that swearing can get you far as a blogger + get Google’s attention and make your blog “hot”… Go figure…

  3. Bitcloud Says:

    Yeah wtf..

    I get more pervs than “regular” folk from google…
    I was number one for “Schoolgirls fucking zombies” for a while…

    btw… if you want SEO, you should set your .htaccess file to redirect either your www or nonwww version of the domain… google will love you for it… (like.. choose http://www.inoveryourhead.net or inoveryourhead.net cause at the moment, both will resolve independently)

    put this in your .htaccess file to redirect the non-www to the www (or vice versa to do the opposite…):

    RewriteEngine On
    RewriteCond %{HTTP_HOST} ^inoveryourhead\.net$ [NC]
    RewriteRule ^(.*)$ http://www.inoveryourhead.net/$1 [R=301,L]

  4. Cache Says:

    wow intense man, I found your blog with a page called singingfish.com… it searches the net for any and all music or video’s like google but for media, I was looking for some mr lif and stumbled apon your podcast

  5. Annon Says:

    Bro you’re decieving the net. If you’re not planning on writing about fucking babies, why do you mention it?

    JK… You learn all kinds of stuff from random blog rants eh?

  6. Brian Stocker Says:

    The really easy solution to that problem is, well, don’t swear on your blog! What a novel idea. Might increase your credibility too. And even increase the overall level of discourse.

  7. anji bee Says:

    whew! i thought you were talking about me when i saw that headline…

  8. Julien Says:

    you know brian, i realize i could do that. but man, i gotta be me.

  9. GenP Says:

    In 2000 when big hype about “Banner Advertising” was going on, one day i sat down and thought about how many times i had clicked on a Banner in past 1 year. The answer was 3, in those days i used to surf the net about 2-3 hours every day, still only 3 banner clicks in 1 year! I was wondering who else would be clicking on the banners to make such hype about companies like “Double Click” and their stock price going very high. The hype was such that every web surfer clicks on several banner advertisement every day! Then reality became obvious with, 2001 stock price crash.

    History repeats itself, today i sat down and counted how many times i had clicked on Google Adsense and Google Adwords links in past one year. Here are the figures,

    Google Adsense clicks in 1 year : 0

    Google Adwords clicks in 1 year : 2

    Google is fucked baby!

  10. DJ Warfare Says:

    yo i love ya podcast man, don’t stop.

  11. Dave LaMorte Says:

    As someone who doesn’t swear on his blog or podcast I don’t think Julien needs to do anything. I do education stuff so not cursing works for me. Do your thing.

  12. Coreena Says:

    Ya i got ur blog by searching love blog… so it’s not always the perverts babe.

  13. Peter Says:

    Awsome

  14. Peter Says:

    Opps…I meant awsome blog

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