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Archive for the 'guide' Category

The Simple Guide to Growing Some @#$%ing Balls

Monday, June 4th, 2012

You may have them. You may not. You may have had them (at one point). You may have given them away. Hey, you may even have had them surgically removed. That’s cool. I’m down with that. Gentle sir/madam, I am here today to present to you an eternal truth. It is unquestionable and unalienable, unassailable, […]

The Short, 16-Step Guide to Getting Rid of Your Crap

Friday, April 27th, 2012

Yay, it’s Friday! Time to head home and relax after a week of hard work. 1. Enter the front door of your home. Toss off your shoes. Notice, lying beneath, a pair of boots you have worn only once. Shrug. 2. Turn on the television and sit on your Ikea couch. Attempt to relax. Awaken […]

How to Change Your Life: An Epic, 5,000-Word Guide to Getting What You Want

Monday, February 6th, 2012

Everybody talks about it. Nobody does it. If I’ve learned anything about the world by my age, it’s that most of the world, myself included, is composed of talkers, not doers. There are very few exceptions to this rule. The good news is, you can be one if you want. The ability to act is […]

The Complete Guide to Snapping the @#$% Out of It

Wednesday, January 11th, 2012

Hey, you. Yes, you. Do yourself a favour. This year, for once, I have a suggestion, and I’d like you to take it. This year, this once, it’s time you used your New Year’s resolution properly for a change. Stop screwing around with your I’m-going-to-lose-10-pounds, buy-a-treadmill bullshit. Stop with the 7-Minute-Abs, the “I’m going to blog every […]

The Brief Guide to Sucking at Life

Friday, September 9th, 2011

I will admit, I am not known for being sensitive. Yet, at the same time, I feel I’m one of the most optimistic people I know. I have faith in everyone. I don’t believe anyone is a loser. I don’t believe anyone is incapable. It’s born into me. I can’t help it. Homeless people. Drug […]

The Complete Guide to Learning from Criminals

Tuesday, August 30th, 2011

Whenever I’m in doubt and I don’t know where to turn, I turn to my idols, who never let me down: Brainiac, Two-Face, and Spongebob Squarepants. Ok, just kidding about Squarepants. The rest is real though. You know, until recently, if I were asked about my idols, I might have said someone like Marshall McLuhan, […]

The Complete Guide to Not Giving a Fuck

Monday, April 25th, 2011

Ok, I have a confession to make. I have spent almost my whole life– 31 years–  caring far too much about offending people, worrying if I’m cool enough for them, or asking myself if they are judging me. I can’t take it anymore. It’s stupid, and it’s not good for my well being. It has made me […]

How to Say No

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

Out of all the small frames to adopt that can cause massive change, the strongest one may be learning how to say no. We live in a cultural environment where everything we take part in can be co-opted by others in some way, so learning to say no enables us to liberate ourselves, our time, […]

A Quick but Important Primer on Becoming a Douchebag

Wednesday, February 16th, 2011

We all know him. We’ve all seen him. He roams malls and beaches. He is on our televisions and movie screens. He’s everywhere, and he is multiplying. The Douchebag. This primer, dear reader, is here to help you understand why douchebags (aka assholes, yuppies, self-promoters, or pretty much anything else you don’t like) always get […]

How to Waste Your Life

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

Every decision you make is one you should be comfortable betting on. If you’re not, you should be making different decisions. When I was young, my mother would always be asking me if I wanted to make bets. She’s pull out her hand and motion for me to shake it with this air of confidence, […]