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NEWSFLASH: This isn't my little fucking pony

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Tweeting is not a business model.

Rainbows and unicorns will not cut it.

The universe doesn’t care about you. Its natural state is to want to wipe you off the planet. You are temporary. In fact, for a large portion of the planet, you are food.

Is social media is the new real estate? Everyone’s in it, and no one can lose.

Or can they? Hours of your life, attempting to get attention to stuff that isn’t even that interesting in the first place. Why?

Give up on hope and luck. Abandon faith in yourself. Have faith only in the system. (Don’t have one? Try this.)

Yesterday I was asked in an interview whether “passion” was enough of a business model on the internet. The picture on the right is my answer.

Don’t let me catch the rest of you talking like this. This is war, and I will personally eat your fucking heart.

* Filed by at 9:37 am under rant, social media


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35 Responses to “NEWSFLASH: This isn't my little fucking pony”

  1. kait Says:

    You are my new favorite. Fucking amazing

  2. Jan Says:

    Like your topics, don’t like all the cursing. Maybe you could write a topic on “Getting Attention Without Using the F Word”.

  3. Matt Says:

    hooooooooo boy you’re gonna piss people off. Keep it up 😉

  4. Jana Says:

    I was totally on board with what you had to say up until this post… with which I respectfully disagree. I, personally, think it’s ALL about rainbows and unicorns… and My Little Ponies. Hey, everyone’s entitled to their opinions.

  5. Bob Goyetche Says:

    The day you stop swearing in your posts to appease people is the day I will punch you in the face.

    And you will thank me and go back to being yourself.

  6. Adam Says:

    Meanwhile, I’m still gonna love and tolerate the shit out of you. My heart is huge, there’s enough to go around. [^_^]

  7. DJ Says:

    An excerpt from an NY Times article on Willpower. Related to your “system” and related “machine” posts:

    “Together with intelligence, self-control turns out to be the best predictor of a successful and satisfying life. But Baumeister and Tierney aren’t endorsing a return to a preachy puritanism in which people are enjoined to resist temptation by sheer force of will and condemned as morally irresolute when they fail. The “will” in willpower is not some mysterious “free will,” a ghost in the machine that can do as it pleases, but a part of the machine itself. Willpower consists of circuitry in the brain that runs on glucose, has a limited capacity and operates by rules that scientists can reverse-engineer — and, crucially, that can find work-arounds for its own shortcomings.”

    Didn’t like this post after one read. Now, I’m just curious about the self machine.

    • Julien Says:

      I have that book and I’m reading it now. V interesting so far. I’ll let you know, DJ.

      • DJ Says:

        Thanks! Very interesting subject, willpower is. I spoke to you once via webcam from a class I had at Emerson. Funny that we’re here now, and I can’t stop reading your shit. Looking forward to your review.

  8. Lindsay | The Daily Awe Says:

    Gotta say I disagree that the Universe just wants to wipe me/you/everyone else off the planet. If that were the case, why the fuck are we even here?

    • Dallas Says:

      I believe you are unaware of “Entropy”. The universe not only wants to wipe you and I, and everything else off this planet, it wants to wipe all life off of all planets, then pull apart the planets and stars themselves until all that is left is an even gradient of unconnected atoms that can perform no information processing ever again. It’s called “Heat Death”.

  9. Matthew Says:

    I’m the Juggernaut, bitch!(?)

  10. Peter Paluska Says:

    Vous Savez que je t’adore mais .. this was not very interesting or useful. (I still love you!)

  11. Ryan G Says:

    @Lindsay I think Julien is correct. Here is why…

    My 6yr-old son asked me the other day why astronauts have to wear a space suit in outer space. I explained that if they didn’t then their bodies would explode. He asked why, which made me think about it. I never really thought about why your body would explode in outer space.

    After thinking about it a sec, I explained to him that all the celestial bodies in outer space are pulling everything towards themselves, thus w/o a space suit, you will be pulled into kabillions of different directions thus causing you to explode.

    So in a way, yeh the Universe is out to get you.

    • GPB Says:

      and yet there are all kinds of things floating about in space that don’t spontaneously explode….

      A body will not suddenly explode in a vacuum.

      Anytime the topic has come up with my children, I’ve simply explained that the lack of oxygen in space is why we need a space suit.

  12. Anna Gordon Says:

    I have to say I laughed out loud when I read “I will personally eat your fucking heart.” Awesome! Just loved this!

    • Robert Says:

      Yes, I was just coming to the comments section to write about that statement. Fucking brilliant.

      And to Jan who doesn’t like the cursing, there’s a ton of other blogs out there that don’t cuss – go read those and continue being mediocre. If you’re that hung up on a single word, you are likely not pushing the envelope in your life so you need to evaluate that first.

  13. Nate Guggia Says:

    Julian, have you posted a list of the best books you’ve read? A lot of your past writing has mentioned reading. I read a lot as well. But need to expand my reading. Too much how to and not enough pleasure reading. Thanks brother. You fucking rock. Damn it’s nice to feel free to drop F Bombs in a circle like this. Appreciate all of you!

  14. Ricardo Bueno Says:

    “Tweeting is not a business model.” <== New favorite line.

  15. Paula Says:

    Ahahahah You are on the top list of my favorites now!

  16. Robert Monteux Says:

    Loved the post. Almost immediately after reading that I stumbled on this, quite appropriate, quote.

    William Blake wrote, “I must create a system or be enslaved by another man’s; I will not reason and compare: my business is to create.”

  17. Tim Says:

    Remember how tweeting isn’t a business model. Then remember what it really is useful for. Then remember that it’s a tool and that it’s uses are colorful and varied. Varied enough to be a very large part of a business model.

    And that stuff that isn’t the least bit interesting, it does have a place, and it does have its benefits. Those benefits, too, are numerous and varied.

  18. Leah Says:

    Okay, okay, I’m prepared for the crucifix here, but I’d really like to know what your inspiration is sometimes for these posts. A couple details beyond the question about “passion as a business model”

    You talked about tweeting & social media, the universe not giving a fuck, abandoning faith in myself, and how you might eat me. And My Little Pony.

    I love this blog and your relentless pursuit to get people off their asses, but I’m not connecting all the dots here…

  19. AC Says:

    Is social media is the new real estate?

    Grammar check?

  20. Richard Says:

    You know it’s a good blog when the comments are as fun to read as the post. Awesome!

  21. Juli Says:

    Sorry for the late reply but I stopped interneting (first trip out of the country and all that) but this is inaccurate. There isn’t a single animal on the planet that naturally eats human beings. We’re kind of like, um, shit. In a time of famine you’ll literally eat anything regardless of how digestible it is: grass, clothes, shit… And animals will eat humans when they’re really f’ing hungry but there isn’t a single predator that seeks human beings out for food.

    Unless you count the bugs. We have spray for that.

  22. Shira Says:

    I agree with the point, I disagree with the tone.

  23. dang tin Says:

    Thanks brother. You fucking rock. Damn it’s nice to feel free to drop F Bombs in a circle like this. Appreciate all of you!

  24. ella Says:

    dude, have you *seen* My Little fucking Pony lately? It’s gotten kinda badass. John deLancie who played Q on Star Trek Next Gen voices the big baddie. There is a My Little Pony-themed metal band called Neigh Slayer. This ain’t your sister’s MLP.

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